How Afghan teachers can address “love” in classrooms

I have been teaching in a school in Kabul for many years and teachers who are new to our school often approach me for advice. One day, just as I was about to close my classroom door, a teacher came running. She was nearly out of breath. From the worried expression on her face I assumed she had been faced with an emergency. I got so worried. She apologized for taking my class time and said that she needed immediate help. I thought a student must’ve been badly hurt for her to be that worried, but it turns out a male student, no more than six years old, had given a piece of paper to a female student in her class. On that piece of paper he had written “I love you” and had drawn a heart.

After hearing this, I breathed easy. I almost smiled, but this was serious cause of concern for the teacher. I explained briefly that children are not bad, they have feelings, they are expressive, they are curious and it is our job to teach them. Traditionally, in our society talking about love is a taboo, but it is our duty to guide our students to be kind and caring, ensure that they understand consent, and have a more positive association with the word love. I encouraged the teacher to respond differently than we’re used to in our society.

“Instead of telling them that it is bad, tell the little girl to take it easy and that love is a good thing and we all love our friends and our family,” I said. “And it is important to tell the little boy that even though it is not bad if the other person doesn’t want your letter, it is loving to respect their boundaries.”

This was not the first time someone had complained to me about how “rotten our society has become that even children talk about love.” A few years back I was talking with the principal of a school and she was enraged because her seven-year-old students spoke about and wrote love letters to each other. I wish at the time, I had the courage to ask her why she thought this innocent act was so outrageous. Why should “love” be considered a dirty word? What would happen if instead of adding to the taboo around the world “love” we normalized it?

I will leave you with that question to answer for yourself. My suggestion is that, especially as teachers, we should take every opportunity to break taboos and teach our children a more loving and humane worldview. There is nothing shameful in children feeling love, interest, or curiosity towards one another. The vast majority of children, these are innocent and normal questions and instead of adding to the taboo, we can paint a positive and appropriate picture for them. What would be a shame is if family members and friends don’t love one another. What would be a shame is that we spread hatred toward strangers instead of keeping the possibility of kindness and love toward one another.