Nazanin Haidari
Among most of our communities in Afghanistan, if a girl becomes an orphan or a woman loses her husband, it opens the door for new societal pressures. Male relatives assume that orphaned girls and widowed women need to be supervised so they give themselves the permission to make the rules for them.
I am an orphan girl. I am facing many problems every day because of this mentality. I know many people look at me differently because I am an orphan. They’ve even tried to tell me that seeking an education or being by myself is shamelessness because there is no man looking after me. They’ve told me that my only job is to stay at home and wait for someone to marry me, but why? Why should I seek another male guardian if I am an orphan? What law dictates that a woman cannot the guardian of those she gave birth to?
We, women, will no longer tolerate oppression no matter what excuses are made for it. Centuries of silence did not soothe the wounds that Afghan women carry. Now we must stand up and ask “why us?”
The women of my generation want to know why social and ethical standards are different for women and men. Why men are allow to live they want to but women’s actions are scrutinized and watched by our community? Why women should not talk about their problems and tolerate oppression simply because they were born female? Why shouldn’t we aspire to be independent and strong? Is our only job breeding?
In our community, the bar for men is extremely low. They can basically get away with doing anything. They can harass women in the streets and know that there will be no repercussions, but women are told to stay at home if they want to be safe.
Men can choose their future wife but if women refuse to get married or choose their husbands, they are called “shameless.”
Even in the digital world, men have more freedom than women. Men can post their pictures on Facebook but if a woman posts her picture, she will be flooded with inappropriate messages, stalking, and harassment. We are told to hide ourselves so that men are not tempted. Don’t we have a right to live for ourselves?
I will never bend my head in front of those who do not want me to achieve my goals. One day, I will show everyone that I can change this male-dominated society and break this barrier that men built for women. Now is the time for women to defend our rights and speak out. We should not be silent and obey but we should stand side by side and support each other. Each of us is strong. Together, we are stronger.
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This piece was translated by Zahra W. A volunteer for Free Women Writers, Zahra is a sophomore in high school and an aspiring writer and poet.
Read this piece in Persian here.